


Forgotten, But Not Lost

by Tsubame_go



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Post War AU, bard!minhyun, mentions of minor character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-02-03 14:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsubame_go/pseuds/Tsubame_go
Summary: Eight year years after the war, a stranger comes into to town.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk what I'm doing

Seonho is too young to remember much of the war years.  Vaguely, in the back of his mind he remembers having to run a from town to town a lot and having to be quiet most of the time.  The war finally came to an end the spring after his eighth birthday and he got to go a real school for the first time that year.  During the war, it wasn’t safe to go anywhere alone, no one new when raids would occur.  Too many civilians to count were caught in the crossfire and killed when fighting broke out in the streets.  The war lasted for six long bloody years, starting when the king and his family were assassinated by a rebel group and ending with the establishment of a new government.  In some ways, Seonho was lucky to be a child during the war, upon the death of the king, the royal army drafted thousands of men of fighting age and they had no choice to enter the fighting as soldiers or be executed as traitors.  The rebels coerced people to fight for them, or captured people and made them their slaves.  The bartender at the alehouse Seonho often secretly visits was captured and tortured by the rebels until he forgot his own name.

 

Seonho is sixteen and below the official drinking age, but the country is still recovering from the war and no one really cares about something as inconsequential as underage drinking when the economy is still in shambles and the country’s infrastructure is far from rebuilt.  Seonho still studies hard, but after school he likes to go to the alehouse to enjoy himself and meet interesting people.  Even when he’s the only customer, Dongho, the owner, and the bartender are always happy to talk to him.  He’s pretty sure they know that he’s too young to come there, but they never make any moves towards throwing him out.  Sometimes, the bartender even tells him about what he remember from the war.

 

“I was about your age when the war began.”  The bartender tells Seonho one afternoon.  “I was engaged to the son of an affluent family, we had known each other since childhood, and our families planned that we marry as soon as we finished high school.”

 

Seonho likes hearing about what is was like before the war.  All the aristocratic families and the high class societies that existed then when snuffed out by the war.  Now, apart from the government, everyone is just struggling to get by.  There are no more fancy academies, theatres, opera houses, festivals, feasts, balls or parties frequented by the rich like those of the past.  Only memories and crumpled photos preserve the finery of the era before the war.

 

“Everything changed when the war started.” The bartender continues. “My fiancé was drafted into the royal army in the first year, and he bid me farewell promising he’s come back to me once the fighting was over.  Two years later the rebels killed my family and took me.”  The bartender pauses, expression screwed up as if trying to grasp something just out of reach. “I can’t remember what they did to me.  I just remember finding myself back in this town and wandering through the streets wondering where everyone had gone.  Dongho found me there, took care of me until I could look after myself again, and a month later the war was over.”

 

“You don’t remember any of it?”  Seonho asks, curiosity overcoming politeness.

 

“No.  All of my memories from before Dongho found me are fuzzy… I remember that I had a fiancé and I loved him, but I don’t remember what he looked like, what his name was, or even what I was called.”  The bartender says wistfully.  “It’s lucky to that things are better now.”

 

Seonho has tried asking Dongho about how the war was for him but he is less willing to talk about it.  All Seonho can ever get out of him is that he was luckier than the bartender and that for the duration of the war he worked for an organization that strove to provide medical care for all those harmed in the fighting, regardless of what side they were on.  Seonho hasn’t been able to get Dongho to give him any more details apart from those.  He won’t talk about where he lived before the war or what happened to his family either.  Some days though, when the bartender isn’t working due to his unstable health, Dongho tells Seonho about how he found the bartender in the last few months of the war.

 

“He was tortured by the rebels.  You wouldn’t want to see some of the scars he has.”  Dongho confides to Seonho on one afternoon when business is slow.  “We don’t know exactly what they did to him, it’s a miracle he even survived.  Apparently his fiancé had some important position in the royal army, the rebels wanted to get information about him out of JR.”

 

“Why do you call him JR?”   Seonho asks.

 

“I have to call him something.”  Dongho replies.  “He came from a wealthy family, he was practically royalty before the war, so I used to call him Junior Royal, but that was too much of a mouthful.  Now I just call him JR.”

 

“Do you think there’s any hope that he’ll regain his memories?”  Seonho asks.

 

“I hope he doesn’t.” Dongho answers briskly. “What he must have went through in captivity… It’s probably better forgotten.  Sometimes he has moments when he remembers pieces of his past briefly, but they seem to take a toll on him.”

 

“What about his family though?” Seonho inquires.  “And his fiancé? They could still be alive somewhere!”

 

Dongho shrugs. 

 

“I doubt it.”

 

*

 

From where Seonho’s family lives on the edge of the town, rubble and ruin from the war can still be seen in abundance.  Ever since they moved there, Seonho’s mother has always drilled into him not to leave the main street of the down and not to go anywhere near the ruins.  There could be mines left over from the war waiting to blow unsuspecting passersby into smithereens.  This is why no one ever ventures past the Yoo family bakery.  The road going that direction only leads to ghost towns anyway.  Seonho is beyond surprised when one day he sees a man in a travel warn cloak coming down the deserted road from the direction of the ruins.

 

Seonho can help but feel a little excited when  the man enters the bakery and looks through Seonho’s family’s stock before asking for a loaf of rye bread.

 

“Where do you come from? Who are you?”  Seonho can’t help but ask as the man gives him money to pay for the bread.

 

“I’m a wandering bard.”  The man tells him.  “I don’t have a home so I suppose I’m not from anywhere.”

 

“A what?”  Seonho asks in confusion.

 

“A travelling musician.”  The man clarifies.  “I go from town to town living off what people are willing to give me for my music.  Before the war, I was a student at the royal music academy. Nowadays there isn’t much demand for luxuries such as music, but I still have to survive somehow.”  The man smiles a little, but Seonho thinks his eyes look sad.

 

“Why don’t you have an instrument then?” 

 

“My instrument,” the man replies, “Is my voice.”

 

*

 

Seonho runs the man again that evening at the alehouse.  Evidently, Dongho offered the bard free ale and food in exchange for his songs. Curious about the stranger, Seonho sits near where the bard sings.  The bard’s voice is sweet as honey, but with an underlying sorrow that at times makes tears prickle at the corners of Seonho’s eyes.  Seonho makes a point of talking with the bard when he rests between songs.  At first the bard is tight lipped and refuses to tell Seonho more about himself that his name, which is Minhyun.  After a few drinks though, Minhyun opens up.

 

“Isn’t it tiring to have to travel around all the time with nowhere to call home?”  Seonho asks Minhyun.  Minhyun sighs and looks down into his drink, taking a gulp of the rich brown ale before answering.

 

“It is tiring,” he tells Seonho softly.  “But it’s necessary.”

 

“Why?”  Seonho asks, burning with curiosity.

 

“I’m looking for someone.”  Minhyun answers, and then takes another long swig of ale.  It takes three more songs and one more drink before Minhyun is willing to elaborate.

 

“I’m looking for my love from before the war.”  Minhyun finally gives in to Seonho’s pestering.  “Maybe it’s hopeless, but I have to try.  If there’s any chance he’s still… I have to find him.”

 

“What was he like?”  Seonho asks eagerly.  “Maybe I can help!”

 

Minhyun smiles sadly.  “He was- ” Minhyun pauses. “He was shy and sweet and the loveliest person I’ve ever known.”

 

Seonho’s heart goes out to Minhyun.  He’s never heard anyone talk about somemoe with so much affection.  Seonho hopes that someday he’ll have a love like that.  He notices Minhyun rummaging in the pockets of his cloak.

 

“I’ve managed to hang on to this even after all this time.”  Minhyun hands Seonho a dusty photograph.  “It was taken a year before the war.  It’s… all I have to remember him by.”

 

Seonho handles the photograph with care, bringing it close to his face to look carefully at the figures photographed.  Two teenagers sit on a sofa, the taller one’s arms wrapped around the smaller.  Both wear smiles more brilliant than Seonho has ever seen on the faces of people around him.  Seonho barely recognizes the taller boy in the picture as Minhyun; he looks so young and full of joy compared to the Minhyun who stands before him.   Minhyun’s lover’s dark bangs fall almost to his eyes and he wears a shy smile, as if he isn’t really sure why someone is bothering to take a picture of him.  There’s something in that smile that makes Seonho think he’s seen it somewhere before, but he’s probably just imagining things.

 

“It was taken when we got engaged.”  Minhyun explains, his voice breaking a little.  “Sometimes, I get scared that if I don’t look at it often enough, I’ll forget what he looked like.”

 

“You won’t.”  Seonho hands the photo back to Minhyun and pats him on the shoulder in attempt to comfort him. “You’ll find him someday.  I know you will.”

 

*

 

Seonho doesn’t have school the next day, so he goes to the alehouse in the morning to annoy Dongho and JR.  Their establishment isn’t officially open until late afternoon, but Seonho knows where they hide the spare key so he lets himself in.  At first he doesn’t see Dongho or JR so he assumes they must be on the upper floor, where their living space is, but then he spots JR scrubbing a stain off on of the tables in the back.  When he turns to see Seonho he jumps a little in surprise.

 

“How did you get in? I thought the front door was locked?” JR asks.

 

“Spare key in the plant pot on the side of the building.” Seonho tells him honestly.

 

“I keep telling Dongho that we should find a new finding place…” JR mutters to himself before throwing a cleaning rag at Seonho.  “I suppose since you’re here you can help me.” Seonho catches the rag and looks around for a table that needs scrubbing. “There must have been quite a crowd last night, half of the tables are still dirty.  I feel bad that I couldn’t help Dongho with the customers yesterday, serving that many people must have been quite a task.”

 

“There were!” Seonho confirms.  “Everyone wanted to hear the music!”

 

“Ah, Dongho told me about the bard.”  JR says. “Was he good?”

 

“He was great! He told me he was a student at the royal music academy or something before the war.  His voice was sweet as honey and he knew lots of good songs.”  Seonho tells JR.

 

“Really?” JR says, looking up from his cleaning, and Seonho nods.  “I used to go to listen to the Royal Music Academy choir’s performances quite often.”  JR pauses, a faraway look in his eyes.  “If this bard did study there, it’s no surprise that he’s a talented musician.”

 

“I see!”  Seonho replies, mildly surprised to hear JR talking about such a specific detail from his past.  “Maybe he’ll come back tonight and you’ll be able to hear him!”

 

Before JR can reply Dongho emerges from the stairs.  He has a similar response to Seonho’s presences as JR did, and like JR, he acquiesces to the fact when he realizes that Seonho is helping out.  As soon as that exchange his over, Dongho turns to JR.

 

“Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to be up? You look a little pale.”  Dongho asks JR with concern.  Seonho didn’t notice before but JR does look a bit out of it, a fact which is made more evident by how long it takes JR to respond to the question. 

 

“I’m…”  JR pauses mid speech.  “I’m fine.”

 

“No you’re not.” Dongho says gently.  “Go back upstairs and rest. I’ll finish the cleaning here.”

 

JR looks like he’s going to argue for a brief moment but then nods and heads towards the stairs.

 

“One more thing, JR,” Dongho says after him. “I know I didn’t wash the dishes this morning but that doesn’t mean you should wash them now.  Go rest.”

 

JR turns back and smiles a little before disappearing back up the stairs.  When JR is gone Dongho quickly turns back to Seonho.

 

“He seemed just fine this morning. Did anything happen when you were talking to him?”  Dongho asks quickly.

 

“Not that I noticed really, we just talked about the bard from last night and how he said he studies at some royal academy of music or whatever and JR said he used to go listen to the royal music academy choir a lot.  That was all.”  Seonho tells Dongho shrugging.  “I didn’t notice anything strange.”

 

“He’s never talked about having anything to do with the Royal Music Academy before,” Dongho says, looking up at the ceiling in thought.  “Don’t mention it too him again, it might risk triggering his old memories.” 

 

“Okay.”  Seonho agrees reluctantly.  “What even was the royal musical academy anyway though?” he asks, unable to restrain his curiosity.

 

“Some fancy music school rich people sent their kids to before the war.”  Dongho answers impatiently.  “I don’t know a lot about it, but apparently it was located somewhere around here, probably somewhere in the ruins past your house.”

 

Seonho nods and continues scrubbing the table where he left off.  He thinks about how much of the pre-war civilization lied in what is now ruins no one dares to live in.  Maybe something is still there though, or else where did Minhyun come from when he emerged from the ruins beyond the village?  Seonho hopes Minhyun will come to the alehouse again that night, he wants to learn more about him and hear about how he met the lover he’s so desperate to find.  They looked so cute together in Minhyuns picture…

 

Something suddenly connects in Seonho’s mind.  The royal music academy. JR’s lost fiancé.  Minhyun’s picture. JR’s smile as he went up stairs.  Seonho drops his rag and stops cleaning, shaken by his realization.

 

“What’s up?” Dongho asks.

 

“Dongho… JR’s fiancé is alive.”  Seonho says quietly.  “He’s the bard from last night.”


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dongho worries and Seonho is optimistic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How am I writing so fast... Sorry if this is sloppy.

"What?” Dongho says dumbfounded, staring at Seonho in disbelief. He’s unable to fathom what madness might possess the kid to say such a thing.

 

“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true!”  Seonho exclaims.  “I was talking to the bard, talking to Minhyun,last night and he told me the reason he travels around is that he’s looking for his lost lover! He even showed me a picture and I only just realized why his lover looked so familiar! It’s because it was JR!” Seonho continues in a frenzy of excitement. “Minhyun studied at the royal music academy, which according to what JR said just now, must have been near where they lived! It all fits! We have to help them reunite!”

 

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea, Seonho.”  Dongho tells him slowly, careful to keep his voice calm.

 

“Why?”  Seonho asks, cocking his head in surprise.

 

“We don’t know for sure if this man even is JR’s old fiancé,” Dongho explains.  “And even if he is, springing something like that on JR all of a sudden probably wouldn’t be good for him… you know how he gets.”

 

“But they love each other!”  Seonho argues stubbornly.

 

“They might have been in love before the war, but times have changed.”  Dongho continues. “You saw what recovering a tiny bit of memory did to JR just now, imagine how something bigger might affect him.”

 

“Minhyun still needs to know.”  Seonho insists. “I’m going to tell him.”

 

“Seonho…”  Dongho starts in a warning tone, but before he can say more the kid is already on his way out the door and Dongho has no choice but to go after him.  He follows after Seonho as the boy goes about the town searching for the bard, trying to convince Seonho to change his mind all the way, but Seonho’s opinion remains unwavering.

 

In his heart of hearts, Dongho wishes that things could be as simple as Seonho seems to think they are.  But he’s seen JR thrashing and crying out in his sleep when the nightmares hit him, seen him break down and curl up into a ball with his hands over his ears when he hears an inconsequential sound that triggers unpleasant memories, and seen him disconnect from the world around him when seemingly small details from his past come back into his mind too many times not to believe that the best thing for JR might be to forget the past entirely.  It’s useless to try to get back the happy things from before the war when the shadow of the war which hangs over them can’t be shaken off.  In Dongho’s opinion, the best option is to just start anew.  No sense brooding over lost comforts or lost family members.  Dongho learned that lesson in the first few years of the war, after his family was slaughtered before his eyes by royal army soldiers for the crime of being suspected of assisting the rebels.  For months grief consumed him to the point where he found himself wishing he had passed into the void with his family.  Only when he stopped thinking about the past and decided to start over could he get back on his feet and begin doing what he could to help the people who were suffering around him.  Why should he wallow in past grief when he could be working to prevent similar tragedies from happening?  He might have failed to protect his family, but now he has others he won’t fail to keep safe.  Even after numerous years had passed it was hard not think about his loss sometimes, but Dongho did his best to keep his mind on the present.  JR is his family now.  Securing his wellbeing must be  Dongho’s top priority, and the past will only serve to distract him from that.

 

*

 

They find Minhyun singing for a group of entranced children on the edge of town.  As much as Dongho wants to dislike Minhyun, knowing what effect he might have on JR and knowing that is Seonho’s theory is true, the man must have been part of the royal army for the duration of the war, Dongho can’t help but think a bit more kindly of the man after witnessing such a sight.  Minhyun stops his song and greets Seonho when he notices them and thanks Dongho for giving him food and drink the previous night.

 

“We need to talk to you.”  Dongho says a bit too bluntly, on edge because he still believes that this conversation isn’t a good idea.  “Seonho has… a theory that he thinks you should hear.”

 

Minhyun raises an eyebrow, but nods and bids farewell to the children before following Dongho and Seonho into and alleyway where they can talk in private.

 

“We found your love.” Seonho blurts out without preamble.

 

It takes a few moments before Minhyun seems to realize what Seonho is saying.  Dongho watches as his eyes go big as he begins to shake, his hand gripping the wall for support.  Several long moments pass before Minhyun replies.

 

“H-how…”  The bard sputters.  “Are- are you sure?”

 

“We’re not sure.”  Dongho says quickly before Seonho can say anything impulsive.  “Seonho is of the opinion that my friend and business partner, who lost most of his memories from before the war and during the war itself, might be the person you’re looking for.”  Minhyun opens his mouth to say something but Dongho continues speaking before he can open his mouth.  “It’s very possible that Seonho could be mistaken.  I’d like to see the picture you showed him so I can judge for myself whether or not it’s possible that your lost lover might be our JR.”

 

Minhyun opens and closes his mouth for a few minutes before nodding, and rummaging in his pockets of a moment before pulling out an old photograph and handing it to Dongho.  At first glance Dongho wants to deny that the person next to Minhyun in the photo is JR, but the more he looks the more he sees the resemblance. 

 

“It does look a bit like him.”  Dongho finally says grudgingly.

 

“Can… Can you take me to him?”  Minhyun asks after a long moment of silence.

 

“That wouldn’t be a very good idea.”  Dongho says at the same moment Seonho cries out “Of course!”

 

“Why can’t I see him?” Minhyun asks, turning from Seonho to look Dongho in the eyes.  It’s Dongho’s first time being so close to the bard.  Looking into those eyes he almost feels like the bad guy just for raising objection to the lovers reuniting, but he still firmly believes that throwing an element from JR’s past at him without warning might undo all the recovery JR has accomplished in the nine years he’s know him.  The JR he found wandering in the streets desperately searching for his family and friends had been unable to go a few hours without breaking down, pleading for the demons in his memories to stop.  It had taken months for JR to realize whatever had happened to him was over, years for him to not fall apart at the smallest sound or image that brought back unpleasant memories, and even now that it had been almost a decade since the war ended JR still isn’t free from his nightmares.  Dongho had no idea how to explain everything that had happened to them after the war to Minhyun to make him understand.

 

“Because springing something like you on him might trigger him.”  Dongho says after a long pause to collect his thoughts.  “He might have loved you at one point, but a lot has changed.  He was a captive of the rebels for the greater part of the war and endured unspeakable things.  He’s not the same person he was before the war.”

 

“No one’s the same person they were before the war.”  Minhyun says in a flat, quiet voice, and his eyes seem to pierce Dongho for a moment before all the fierceness there melts into vulnerability.  “Please…  He’s all the hope I have to cling to…”  Dongho can see tears forming in Minhyun’s eyes.  “I’ve been searching for him for years, not even knowing if he was alive… I- I need to see him.  Even if he doesn’t remember me.”

 

Dongho has always been weak when it comes to other people crying.  The less empathetic part of him wants to tell Minhyun that he should have forgotten about his lover, moved on and lived his own life when the war ended.  Faced with those eyes which were so strong just moments ago but now a filled with tears, all Dongho can say is:

 

“Fine, but on one condition.  You can’t tell JR who you are.  You approach him as a stranger.”

 

Dongho is surprises when Minhyun suddenly blinks away the tears, resolve returning to his continence as he nods.

 

“Alright.  I’ll do anything, just as long as I can meet him.”

 

“You can keep coming to our alehouse to sing.  It’s good for business.”  Dongho tells the bard hesitantly.  “JR might not be well enough to work this evening, but he’ll probably be okay by tomorrow.  If he’s resting tonight, you’ll have to wait until then or whenever he feels better.”

 

“Thank you.”  The bard says and reaches out to grasp Dongho’s hand.  “I’ll see you tonight then.”  Minhyun walks out of the alleyway, leaving Dongho alone with Seonho and his thoughts.

 

“Do you really think meeting him could hurt JR?”  Seonho asks immediately.  “Won’t JR be happy to see his fiancé again?”

 

“All you did was talk about the music academy this morning and he went pale.”  Dongho reminds him.  “Considering that, imagine what seeing and actual person from the past might do to JR.”

 

Seonho shrugs at him, looking unconvinced.  “They love each other.  Surely that’s worth something.”

 

Dongho sighs.  “Love can’t solve everything.”  He tells Seonho gravely.  Seonho doesn’t reply, appearing to be pondering Dongho’s words in his mind.  Dongho wishes he could have Seonho’s unwavering optimism that everything between JR and the bard will turn out alright, but he can’t help but thinking that by agreeing to let Minhyun meet JR he might be making an enormous mistake.

 

*

 

JR insists he’s well enough to work that night despite all of Dongho’s concerns.  It’s a bit before their standard opening time and the two of them are getting the alehouse ready for customers when Dongho hears a rap on the door and opens it to find Minhyun.  Seeing no other choice but to let the bard in, he stands aside and watches as Minhyun’s eyes practically pop out of their sockets when he spots JR wiping down the counters behind the bar.  Dongho watches as Minhyun introduces himself to his fiancé, noticing the pain behind his smile, seeing how he keeps hold of JR’s hand a little too long.  He lets the bard talk to JR for a few moments before reminding them that it’s almost time to open, at which Minhyun moves to the table he sang at the previous night and JR busies himself with opening a cask of ale to be ready for customers.

 

The evening is too busy for Minhyun to interact much with JR, but Dongho tries to keep a close watch on him nevertheless. Unfortunately, he and JR are both so busy serving customers that he can’t keep an eye on JR all the time.  He’s finishing serving a group of rowdy young men when he sees that Minhyun and Seonho have come up to the bar and are chatting with JR.  As much as he wants to immediately go to his friend’s side to make sure nothing happens, he has to finish the task at hand. JR seems find anyway, he’s probably just worrying for nothing.  By the time he’s able to head towards JR his friend is already turning away to serve another customer.  Dongho does, however, hear the last snippet of their conversation.

 

“Perhaps we can talk sometime when you aren’t busy, Jonghyun.”

 

Dongho knows that Jonghyun must be JR’s real name without spending any effort to puzzle it out.  Mentally cursing the bard for being so careless, he quickly looks at JR, no, Jonghyun, expecting that Minhyun’s slip might have trigger him.  Dongho is surprised to see Jonghyun moving on to serve the next customer as if nothing happens.  After a quick sigh of relief, Dongho whips around to Minhyun and Seonho.

 

“You have to be more careful!” He admonishes Minhyun, perhaps a bit too sharply.  “Do you have any idea what that could have done to him?”

 

“I’m sorry.”  Minhyun says solemnly, bowing his head.  “It won’t happen again, I promise.  Please don’t send me away from him.”

 

“He seems fine though!” Seonho pipes, even the optimist. “He responded really well, I don’t think he even realized that he had forgot his name before.”

 

“I suppose your right.”  Dongho sighs.  “I apologize if I was too harsh, I was just afraid that he’d…”  Dongho says to Minhyun awkwardly. “I just never know when something will trigger him and I don’t want him feel like that.”  He finishes lamely, painfully aware of the inadequacy of his explanation.

 

Minhyun seems to understand though, at least in part.  He nods, and says: “I don’t want anything like that to happen to Jonghyun either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I'm still not sure what I'm doing with this. But it's surprising me that I'm able to write so much lately, usually I get one bit hit of inspiration a year and then I can't bring myself to write anything more, but for some reason I'm able to keep writing 2hyun... 
> 
> Anyway, I've been thinking that I'm might try putting previews for the next part at the end of each chapter? would you guys like it if I did that? let me know.
> 
> Also not a preview but the next chapter will have some event overlap with this one because I couldn't decide which perspective I wanted the last scene of this chapter to be in so I decided to do it in multiple ones.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JR lingers in the space between past and present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Vionlence and Gore (it's minor I promise)

_“I’ll come home to you as soon as I’m able, I promise.”_

_Fingers brush lightly against his cheek, and then he feels soft lips cover his own.  He leans into that warmth, terrified that it melt away into the air, immaterial as smoke.  He reaches out and pulls the person before him closer._

_“Don’t go!” he hears himself cry out and feels a warm hand squeeze his arm._

_“I don’t have a choice… you know what they’ll do if I don’t obey.”  The person before him says.  The person’s voice is gentle but it breaks his heart.  He feels hot tears flow down his cheeks only to be brushed away by a gentle hand._

_“I love you.”  The person tells him, but before he can answer back they disappear into darkness before his eyes._

_Suddenly, less friendly voices surround him and fear bubbles in his stomach.  They yell at him, interrogate him for answers he doesn’t have… he feels the touch of hot iron burn his flesh. Burning, burning, burning… unceasing agony.  Smoke fills his lungs and he’s sure he’s going to die.  The voices don’t stop yelling.  He wants to run, but ropes chafe at his arms and legs and he can’t move.  He closes his eyes and screams._

The dusty ceiling above his bed is the only thing that meets him when he opens his eyes, but the nightmare still clouds his brain.  He shivers and does his best to try to remember where and who he is.  _I’m in my room in the house I share with my friend Dongho.  Dongho calls me JR so that is my name._

 

JR slaps his face a few times to bring himself back to reality before rising from his bed.  His cheeks are a little moist, that must mean he was crying in his sleep again.  He wonders how long he was asleep for.  He doesn’t see Dongho anywhere on the upper floor as he crosses into the kitchen from his bedroom.  As Dongho mentioned earlier, the dirty dishes from breakfast are still sitting in the sink, so JR decides he might as well wash them.  Dongho will probably tell him he shouldn’t have when he comes back, but JR wants to helpful somehow.  He feels guilty for practically living off of Dongho for all these years.  Sure, he helps out serving customers when he can, but neary half of the time the demons in his mind seem to assail him when he should be doing his part running their alehouse.  JR hates that he’s like this.  Living in a strange space between past and present.  Sometimes he thinks he’s still a captive and everything about his current reality is just a vivid dream.  Sometimes he feels like just a simple bartenders with no shadows haunting him from the past.

 

Currently, despite the nightmares and guilt over the burden he puts on Dongho, JR is the happiest he’s been since before the war.  Not that he can remember much about his life before the war really.  All he has are hazy snippets, like the taste of rich food on his tongue, the feel of his sides aching from laughter as someone patted him on the back while they laughed with him, bright flowers and music playing in the distance.  It’s enough to know that he must have been happy then.  It’s a pity the pieces of his old life that come back to him in his dreams are always overshadowed by darker things.  The memories of the war years are things JR doesn’t regret losing.  And even if he can’t remember, the experience is burned into his flesh. Literally.  He might not remember how he got his scars, but they greet him whenever he looks down at himself.  Fortunately, however, the rebels evidently didn’t do anything to his face, so as long as he wears long sleeves and long pants most of the unsightly marks are covered and he doesn’t have to think about them.

 

JR is drying the dishes when Dongho comes up the stairs.  The sound of the front door slamming precedes him, and JR realizes he must have gone out into the village.  When he comes into sight, JR notices that he looks troubled, but before he can ask about it, Dongho starts telling him off for doing the dishes.

 

“I told you you shouldn’t bother yourself with those, I was going to do them later.”  Dongho grumbles as JR finishes wiping dry the last plate.

 

“Wash them sooner next time if you don’t want me to.” JR shoots back.  “I did rest like you told me to, I promise, I just felt better and wanted to do something useful.”

 

Dongho nods and lets his words go on challenged.

 

“Did you go out? What’s up?”  JR asks, eager to know what’s troubling his friend.

 

“Just walked Seonho home, nothing interesting happened.”  Dongho brushes the question off.  JR can’t bring himself to believe Dongho’s words but doesn’t know how to press further without making it sound like he’s accusing Dongho of lying, so he just hums and nods in response.

 

“Do you want to rest again tonight?”  Dongho asks, walking over the JR and putting a hand on his shoulder as he looks him in the face,  and JR knows that Dongho is examining him for any signs of unwellness.  He does his best to look energetic and healthy.

 

“No, I think I’ll be fine tonight.”  He answers, making sure to keep his voice steady.

 

“Are you sure?”  Dongho asks gently, squeezing his shoulder a little.  “The- the bard is coming back tonight so it’ll probably be busy again.”

 

“Of course I’m sure.”  JR says, brushing Dongho’s hand away.  “I’m sure you’ll need all the help you can get if it’s that busy and I want to hear the bard sing.” 

 

For a split second, Dongho seems to frown a bit, but the expression is gone almost too quickly for JR to see it.

 

“Okay.”  Dongho agrees, smiling a little as if to try and make up for his earlier lapse in expression.  “Let’s be ready to open in an hour then, yeah?”

 

“Alright.”  JR agrees.

 

*

 

The bard makes his appearance a few minutes before they officially open for the day.  Dongho nods at him when he comes in but looks generally displeased, making JR wonder if he had an argument with the bard the night before or some other grievance.  But wouldn’t Seonho, with his inability to be tightlipped, have told JR about something like that when he saw him the day before?  JR decides to ignore Dongho’s behavior, hoping the reason for it isn’t important.

 

The bard greets JR, he grasps his hand and introduces himself. “H-hi, I’m Minhyun.”  He says, keeping hold of JR’s hand for longer than one normally would.  The bard’s eyes stare into him intensely, as if searching for something within JR.  JR finds this a bit disconcerting, but he chooses to believe that tMinhyun just might not be good at first impressions and tries not to react to the strange behavior.

 

“I’m JR.”  He introduces himself to Minhyun.  “I heard a lot about your music the other night, I’m looking forward to hearing you sing.”

 

Minhyun smiles in response and JR can’t help but notice how handsome the man is, but at the same time JR thinks that even though he’s smiling his eyes look a little sad.

 

“I’ll be happy to sing any song you want.”  Minhyun tells him and JR feels his heart flutter strangely.  He doesn’t really process the emotion due to the painful realization that he doesn’t remember any songs.  The melodies from before the war may haunt his dreams, but he’s be hard pressed to name a single tune.

 

“I’m sure you know what suits your voice best,” JR answers, smiling awkwardly and rubbing the back of his head.  “I… don’t really know any songs anyway.”

 

JR is saved from the conversation by Dongho telling Minhyun that they’re about to open and asking if he wants any drinks or food before the people come.  Minhyun shakes his head and leaves JR to settle himself at a table near the opposite wall and begins warming up his voice.  Soon, the alehouse is full of people and JR is too busy serving to pay much attention to Minhyun.  Nevertheless, he can hear the bard’s sweet voice from the other side of the room and finds himself humming along to the tune.  During a break in the music, he looks over and sees Seonho sitting beside the bard chatting, obviously enthralled by the older man.  Minhyun notices JR looking and smiles, at which Seonho glances over and waves at JR.  JR smiles and waves back before has to turn away to serve a customer.  He doesn’t get a chance to look over at them again until an hour or so later when they come to him at the bar.

 

“You’re sure he didn’t recognize you at all?”  JR hears Seonho say to Minhyun as he goes over to their end of the bar to serve them.  Dongho is busy pouring ale for a rather rowdy group of boys a few years older than Seonho at the other end of the bar. 

 

“He definitely didn’t.”  Minhyun answers Seonho, looking up from the conversation to notice JR midway through his sentence.

 

“Can I get a drink, Jonghyun?”  Minhyun asks and Jonghyun nods and quickly turns back to get it.  He sees Seonho’s eyes go wide out of the corner of his eye and wonders what the kid is so fussed about.  _Probably just thought of an urgent question he needs to ask Minhyun_ , Jonghyun thinks to himself.  It only takes him a minute to get back to Minhyun with the drink.

 

“Thanks,” Minhyun says as he takes the glass from Jonghyun’s hand.  Their fingers brush a little and Jonghyun suppresses a shiver.

 

“Your voice is really beautiful.” Jonghyun says, finding that he wants an excuse to keep talking to Minhyun.  “It’s been a long time since I’ve had the opportunity to hear such lovely music.”

 

Minhyun smiles.  “I.. I’m glad you like it.”  He looks like he’s going to say more, but before he speaks another customer beckons to Jonghyun.

 

“I wish I could talk more, but duty awaits.”  Jonghyun tells Seonho and Minhyun with an apologetic smile.

 

“We understand.”  Minhyun assures him.  “Perhaps we can talk sometime when you aren’t busy, Jonghyun.”

 

Lacking the time to say more, Jonghyun just smiles and nods, saying quickly “Of course.” Before dashing over to where the other patrons are waiting for him.  He catches a glimpse of Dongho looking at him with concern over his shoulder, but thinks nothing of it.  Knowing Dongho, he’s probably just worrying about JR because of what happened earlier that day. He doesn’t get another chance to talk to Minhyun or Seonho for the rest of the night.

 

*

 

_“Let’s get married, Jonghyun.”_

_Jonghyun feels himself let out a sound made up of half surprise, half excitement.  He throws himself into the arms of the tall figure beside him and buries his face in a warm shoulder._

_“You mean it?”  He asks, voice muffled against the man’s shirt._

_“Of course.”  He answers back, and Jonghyun laughs and leans up to kiss him.  The man’s lips are warm and comforting.  His lips are the most familiar thing in the world to Jonghyun_

_“We should wait, though.”  Jonghyun says when they finally break apart.  “We’re still young, we should at least wait ‘til we graduate high school.”_

_The man makes a displeased sound, and Jonghyun comforts him with a kiss on the cheek._

_“Even though our parents will probably agree, they’ll expect at least that much.”  Jonghyun reminds him.  “We should try to respect their wishes.”_

_“Fine.”  The man gives in.  “We’ll get married the day after graduation.”_

_Jonghyun laughs and leans in for another kiss.  When their lips separate, the man continues to hold Jonghyun close, pressing his forehead against Jonghyun’s._

_“Jonghyun,” He says softly.  “I love you.”_

_And then the man dissolves into thin air and Jonghyun is left alone.  He cries out, but only angry voices answer. Jonghyun Manacles chafing at his wrists._

_“Where is Captain Hwang’s battalion going next?”  A harsh voice demands._

_“I don’t know!” Jonghyun cries in despair.  He screams as a whip cracks against his back.  His flesh sears with pain.  He hears the sound of the whip crack once more. They strike him again. And again. And all he can do is keep screaming._

 

“JR, JR!” A voice drags him out of his nightmare.  He feels strong hands rubbing his back. “No one’s hurting you anymore! You’re safe here! Come back to me!”

 

He opens his eyes and sees a panicked face which he takes a few moments to register as Dongho.  Jonghyun’s entire body is covered in cold sweat.  He sits up, breathing heavily.  Dongho’s hand maintains contact with his shoulder as Dongho gazes at him with intense concern.

 

“Are you okay?”  Dongho asks.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Not trusting himself with words, Jonghyun just shakes his head and lets Dongho continue rubbing him back.

 

“I’m… I’m… I’m fine.” Jonghyun finally manages to say after several long moments.  “What time is it?”

 

“It’s a bit before dawn.”  Dongho tells him.  “You should sleep more.”

 

Jonghyun shakes his head quickly.  “No.  If I go to sleep again I’m afraid I’ll…” Jonghyun lets his voice train off, not really wanting to explain any further.  Dongho nods, understanding without Jonghyun needing to elaborate.

 

“Okay, JR, you know yourself best. Let me go fix you some tea at least.”  Dongho says, giving him one last pat on the back before getting up and heading towards the kitchen.

 

“My name… isn’t it Jonghyun?”  Jonghyun asks Dongho, confused by the nickname.

 

Dongho turns back and stares at him for several moments with an unreadable expression.  “I suppose it is.”  He finally says and then leaves Jonghyun for the kitchen.

 

*

 

That day Jonghyun persuades Dongho to let him take care of buying food and supplies they’ve run short of in the town.  Dongho is at first adamant that Jonghyun should stay in and rest given his recent condition, but when Jonghyun asserts that keeping busy and getting fresh air would do him more good than staying in, Dongho grudgingly agrees to let Jonghyun go while he works on finishing cleaning up from the previous night.

 

Getting out does make Jonghyun feel better.  He chats with Seonho when he goes to the bakery to get bread, and makes small talk with other people throughout the town as he finishes the shopping.  Despite living there for the past eight years, Jonghyun isn’t very close with many people in the town.  Most people are aware of what happened to Jonghyun during the war and pity him, which often causes conversations to feel awkward.  Jonghyun feels most comfortable talking to younger people, like Seonho, who aren’t so sensitive about the war.

 

Everything is going smoothly until Jonghyun is walking back with all the things he bought and his back suddenly spasms painfully.  Jonghyun would like to believe that the demons in his mind are the only hurts he still bears from the war, but in reality isn’t that kind.  He may have survived whatever physical trauma the rebels inflicted upon him, but his body will probably never completely recover.  Jonghyun usually avoids doing physically straining tasks for this reason, but he thought he could at least manage carrying a few bundles of food a short distance.  Sighing he puts down everything he’s carrying and squats down, hands on his throbbing back.  He inhales and exhales deeply, waiting patiently for the pain to go away.

 

“Are… you okay?”  He hears someone ask from behind him.  At the risk of triggering another spasm, Jonghyun twists to see who it is.  Fortunately, his back doesn’t worsen and he’s faced with Minhyun, whose eyes seems to light up a little when they meet Jonghyun’s.  Jonghyun considers lying and telling Minyun he’s fine, but in his current position he doesn’t think that would be very believable.

 

“My back is… not good.”  Jonghyun says awkwardly and Minhyun quickly knees down so to be on the same level as Jonghyun.  He hesitantly sets his hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder.  Even though his touch is light Jonghyun can still feel a spark of something he can’t quite place at the contact, even in his current state of pain.

 

“Do you need help? Should I go get someone?”  Minhyun asks quickly, a touch of franticness in his voice.  Thinking of how Dongho would probably fuss over him if Minhyun went to get him, Jonghyun quickly shakes his head. 

 

“It’s fine…”  He tells Minhyun, who looks unconvinced.  “I just… I don’t think I can carry all this home.”  Jonghyun admits, gesturing helplessly at the bags of supplies on the ground around him.

 

“Let me carry it for you then.”  Minhyun says brightly, gathering up Jonghyun’s bags before Jonghyun has a chance to protest.

 

“Okay, I guess.”  Jonghyun says, seeing no reason to argue when he’s already admitted that he can’t carry it by himself.

 

“Will you be okay walking though?”  Minhyun asks, concerned.  “You can lean on me if you need.”

 

“How will I lean on you if your arms are full of stuff?”  Jonghyun has with a little laugh despite himself.  "Just- just give me a minute.”

 

Minhyun sets the bundles back down and waits patiently as Jonghyun continues to breathe in and out heavily, hands still clutching his back.  After a few minutes the pain lessens a bit, and he gives Minhyun a nod and straightens himself.  Minhyun gathers the bags back into his arms and the two of them set off back towards the alehouse side by side.

 

“Will you be coming back to sing again tonight?”  Jonghyun asks after serval moments of silence.

 

“I’d be happy to, if you’ll have me.”  The bard answers with a small smile.

 

“Of course we’ll have you, your music does wonders for our business.”  Jonghyun says back, eager for another opportunity to hear Minhyun sing.  “How long will you stay in this town?”

 

Minhyun takes a few moments to respond, expression unreadable.  “I think I’ll stay here for a while.”  He finally replies slowly, as if each word carries weight.

 

“Where are you staying?”  Jonghyun asks.  Maybe he’s prying too much into Minhyun’s affairs, but he finds himself curious about the other man.

 

“I’ve just been sleeping under my cloak in the alleys.”  Minhyun replies with a shrug.

 

“Doesn’t it get cold at night?”  Jonghyun inquires, wondering how Minhyun can stand it.

 

“Not really,” Minhyun says casually. “It’s still the warm season, it’s not too bad.” 

 

“You should have said something earlier, we have a few spare rooms above the alehouse in our living quarters!”  Jonghyun exclaims.  “You can stay with us for the rest of your time here.”

 

“I… I don’t want to impose.”  Minhyun responds politely.

 

“It wouldn’t be any trouble at all.” Jonghyun insists. “You’re already doing us a huge favor by attracting patrons with you songs, it’s the least we can do for you.”

 

“Okay.”  Minhyun gives in.  “If you’re sure it’s alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What am I doing with this hahaha  
> This chapter was a little complicated to write because of changing to referring to JR as Jonghyun but I hope it wasn't too confusing to read.  
> This fic is going in a direction that I didn't originally plan it to, so updates are probably going to slow down. Or maybe not. Writing is a nice way for me to escape real life these days.  
> Thank you for reading, commenting, kudos, etc.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyun adjusts to a life where his beloved doesn't know him

Minhyun doesn’t think there’s any feeling that can rival the peculiarity of being treated like a stranger by someone who used to know you better than anyone else.  The Jonghyun who walks beside him treats him how Jonghyun treats acquaintances he isn’t close with.  This Jonghyun is nothing if not kind and considerate towards him, but he holds a big part of himself back from Minhyun.  He hides all the sweetness that he used to give to Minhyun behind half-smiles and polite compliments.  Minhyun wonders whether Jonghyun reveals that side of himself to anyone anymore.  Minhyun’s heart aches when he remembers the way Jonghyun used to giggle into their kisses when they were teenagers, how he used to playfully swat Minhyun a little too hard and then kiss his hurts better after Minhyun pouted about it, how he used to grip Minhyun’s hand tight when he was scared or nervous.  Minhyun wonders if he’ll ever be able to see that side of Jonghyun again.   Minhyun knows he has no right to complain about the current situation.  He had all but given up on finding Jonghyun ever again, he had been almost sure that Jonghyun had died…  Just being able to see Jonghyun again, just knowing that Jonghyun is alive should be enough for him.  It’s selfish of him to long for the love they once shared.

 

Even though he can’t be as intimate with Jonghyun as he would like, Minhyun is beyond overjoyed just to be able to be beside Jonghyun and talk to him.  Time changes everyone, but Minhyun thinks that at his core, Jonghyun is still the same person he fell in love with when they were barely more than children.  He seems to like chatting with Minhyun, even if he has no idea what they once were to each other.  At the same time, Minhyun has to be careful around him.  He can’t tell Jonghyun that he’s not planning on leaving town because he’s finally found his beloved when Jonghyun asks how long he’s staying.  Minhyun doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep dodging questions that would reveal too much with vague answers.

 

Minhyun is shaken when Jonghyun offers to let him stay at the alehouse.  Of course, if Jonghyun knew that Minhyun was planning to remain in town indefinitely he might be less willing to make such an offer, but Minhyun will take anything he can get.  When Jonghyun insists after Minhyun tries to decline to be polite, Minhyun feels warmth bubble in his stomach.  Making a point to help others even when it inconveniences him is so like Jonghyun.  Minhyun wishes he could take Jonghyun’s hand, embrace him, plant a kiss on his cheek, wishes he could use some form of physical intimacy to show Jonghyun how happy his offer makes him, how delighted he is for the opportunity to stay in close proximity to his love.  Of course, there’s still the chance Dongho might disapprove the idea.

 

“I’m back.”  Jonghyun announces after they enter the alehouse through the back door.  It’s the first time Minhyun has seen anything thing of the interior of the house beyond the main hall where they serve customers. They stand in a small entry way, with coats hanging on pegs on the wall and several pairs of boots scatter around the doorway in a manner that makes Minhyun instinctively want to straighten them.  Ahead of him is the bar area and the dining hall, to the right is a stairway which due to the sound of what must be Dongho’s footsteps above, must leads up to Jonghyun and Dongho’s living quarters, and to the left a hallway with several doors that must lead to other rooms.

 

“You can put everything down in the pantry.”  Jonghyun tells Minhyun, motioning to one of the doors in the hall to the left.  Minhyun follows Jonghyun’s direction and puts down the bundles on the pantry floor and begins placing them neatly on the shelves.

 

“Did you find everything we need? Were there any problems?”  Minhyun hears Dongho ask Jonghyun in the other room. 

 

“I managed to buy everything, but uh, my back started to hurt as I was carrying everything back.”  Jonghyun tells Dongho.  “Minhyun was nice enough to carry everything here for me.”

 

At the sound of his name, Minhyun pokes his head out the door and nods at Dongho, who favors him with a wary smile.  Dongho has been somewhat less than welcoming to Minhyun since he found out his connection to Jonghyun.  Minhyun doesn’t blame him.  If he and a best friend and his best friend’s lover appeared out of the blue after basically abandoning him several years later Minhyun wouldn’t look kindly on him either.

 

“I found out Minhyun has been sleeping on the streets.”  Jonghyun continues.  “I told him he can stay with us until whenever he decides to move on. That’s okay, right?” 

 

“I don’t see a problem with it.”  Dongho acquiesces, and Minhyun lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in relief.  Dongho gives Minhyun a look that seems to convey that Dongho is only agreeing to his because it’s what Jonghyun wants before turning back to Jonghyun.  “You said your back hurt- are you okay?  Should I call a doctor?”  Dongho asks, concern evident in his voice.  As much as Dongho has made things difficult for Minhyun, in that moment he’s immeasurably grateful to the man for looking out for Jonghyun.

 

“I’m fine now.  Don’t worry about it.”  Jonghyun says quickly, as if trying to be done with the subject as soon as possible.  Minhyun watches Dongho nod, complying with Jonghyun’s unspoken wishes.

 

“Go show Minhyun to a room he can sleep in then, I’ll take care of  putting everything away.”  Dongho says.  His broad shoulders brush Minhyun has he passes him to take his place unpacking all the supplies into the pantry.  Jonghyun favors Minhyun with a small smile and touches his arm lightly, ushering him up the stairs.

 

*

 

Living with Jonghyun was a fantasy Minhyun thought about a lot when he was younger.  When they were children he and Jonghyun would play house together, and talk about how great it would be to not have to go home to different houses every night.  Later, when their platonic childhood friendship evolved into something deeper, they used to imagine what kind of house they would have together in the future and talk about how lovely it would be to grow old together.  The future Minhyun envisioned for himself before the war tore up their lives had involved coming home to Jonghyun every day and spending each night wrapped up in each other’s arms.  He had just known he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jonghyun, nothing else had really mattered.

 

Living with Jonghyun now in a situation so different than the fantasies he envisioned in his youth is strange.  After so many years wandering the country alone, Minhyun is happy to have somewhere to call home, but he still selfishly wishes that he could be by Jonghyun’s side as something more than a stranger.  Every time he hears the familiar way Jonghyun talks to Dongho he feels a twinge of jealousy.  Even more painful is the fact that Dongho probably knows Jonghyun far better than Minhyun does after spending so many years in cohabitation.  All Minhyun has to bind himself to Jonghyun are memories from a period that Jonghyun can’t even recall, and how can that compare to the years of care and companionship that Dongho has provided for Jonghyun?

 

*

 

Minhyun’s life at the alehouse falls into a comfortable pattern:  he sings in the evenings during business hours and helps Jonghyun and Dongho out around their house in the day.   Dongho is a bit of a slob, so there’s always plenty of cleaning for Minhyun to keep himself busy with.  Even if he can’t have the relationship with Jonghyun he wishes he could, being in Jonghyun’s proximity every day is a gift he cherishes with all his heart.

 

Minhyun sleeps in one of the spare rooms, which Dongho and Jonghyun have plenty of.  Apparently they keep them in case customers drink too much and get sick and need to pass out somewhere safe.  Although it can’t compare to the life of luxury Minhyun lead before the war, he has every comfort he could possibly need.

 

One night, when Minhyun goes to the kitchen in the middle of the night to get a cup of water he hears someone moving about in one of the other rooms.  It’s late and Minhyun assumes that Dongho and Jonghyun would be sleeping at this hour, but maybe one of them is just moves about an unusual amount in their sleep.  He’s about to head back to his room when he sees a small figure emerge out of the hallway.  Jonghyun doesn’t seem to notice him until he nearly brushes against Minhyun while stepping towards the cupboard.  Jonghyun jumps back with a sound of surprise and Minhyun notices that Jonghyun is shaking and has a haunted look about his eyes.

 

“Jonghyun?  Is everything okay?”  Minhyun whispers.  Jonghyun straightens himself and nods, but it’s hard for Minhyun to believe when he can clearly see that Jonghyun is still trembling.  Instinctively, he reaches out to touch Jonghyun’s shoulder.  Jonghyun’s tremors don’t stop, but he doesn’t move away from Minhyun either.

 

“What’s up?”  Minhyun asks gentle.

 

“Bad dream.”  Jonghyun answers in a voice so quiet Minhyun can barely catch his words.

 

Not knowing what else to do, Minhyun steps close and grasps the back of Jonghyun’s head, gently pulling Jonghyun towards himself so that his forehead rests against Minhyun’s collar bone.

 

“Is this okay?”  Minhyun murmurs hesitantly.   He feels Jonghyun nod against his chest.  Minhyun strokes Jonghyun’s hair, hoping that the motion might soothe him.  Minhyun wants to wrap his other arm around Jonghyun and hold him tight, wants to whisper in Jonghyun’s ear how he’ll protect him always, but he doesn’t dare.  Someone closer to a stranger than a friend doing those things would probably just make Jonghyun uncomfortable.

 

Wanting to do something to break the silence, Minhyun starts humming.  When they were teenagers, Jonghyun told him this song was his favorite.  Minhyun hopes that the music will help Jonghyun, even though he probably doesn’t remember it.  After a few minutes of humming, Minhyun transitions into singing quietly.

 

“From the moon, to the stars

While lingering in the universe

We got to know each other

We slide on the paint that spread while drawing, drawing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been sitting around collecting dust for months... now I'm finally posting it...
> 
> Find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/jjr_hyun  
> Curious Cat: https://curiouscat.me/tsubame_go  
> Tumblr: https://nyoungpeach.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> This AU is a little out of my comfort zone, but inspiration is flowing for it so here we go~ Minhyun, JR, and Dongho are in there early thirties in this in case anyone's curious.  
> individual chapters of this work probably won't be as long as I'd like, so I a apologies on that front.


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